The Pain Diaries: The Anguish of My Invisible Pain

You are my unexpected darkness that tore apart my life

I never knew the anguish you could cause me in ways I could never be prepared for

You attack me from the inside, down to my very cells

There’s 360 reasons for you to attack me

Your poisonous inflammation torments my heart, lung, brain, blood, and soul

The pain you cause me are but invisible to everyone but me

It is cursed with stigma and misconceptions, even though 6 million of us Canadians can relate to my suffering

I still feel you with every breath and every step

You taught me misery through your antagonizing grasp on my soul, my dreams, desires and passions

You made me grieve in ways I never have before

You caused me mental and physical suffering

You forced me to stop working and succumbed my life to poverty

Your grasp also affects my son, my whole reason for moving forward

You forced me to stop dressing the way I liked to, the slightest uncomfortable touch feels like razors on my skin

You forced me to stop dancing, you made me so weak and fearful of falling

You forced me to feel nothing but pain and anguish, I can not escape you

I see no empathy or warnings from you, I’ve had to learn to listen to your hidden red flags

You twist and turn my body, each contortion more painful than the last

You made me afraid to love and others afraid to love me

You make me more susceptible for heart disease

My pain is often ignored because I am a woman, I am young, I do not look in pain

You can not see the illness you torment me with

You make me so cold, inside and out

You make anyone holding me painful yet I yearn for it

You make the things I am passionate about physically and emotionally painful to do

You make me question my self worth and if I am a burden

You make me question myself as a mother, as a woman

Your name is Rheumatoid Arthritis